


love looks better on paper

by savingsiriusblack



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Jealousy, M/M, Misunderstandings, Not Beta Read, Romance, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin Raise Harry Potter, Unrequited Love, Voldemort Defeated in First War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:34:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21555571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/savingsiriusblack/pseuds/savingsiriusblack
Summary: Harry pours his heart out in letters that he'll never send. When the letters get out, he's forced to confront all the anger, embarrassment and love he's kept tucked away since his parents' murder.Inspired by To All the Boys I've Loved Before.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Luna Lovegood/Ginny Weasley, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Unrequited Cedric Diggory/Harry Potter
Comments: 28
Kudos: 63





	1. Severus Snape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From the summary and tags, I'm sure you can tell the timeline of events has been altered for this fic. Also, it is inspired by the film To All the Boys I've Loved Before but does not strictly follow the film's events. I hope you enjoy it!

Teddy “falls” down the stairs sometime after dinner. Harry is playing chess with Sirius in the lounge. They have a perfect view of the foyer and therefore the staircase, but neither move to help his godbrother.

“Shouldn’t you check if he’s alive?”

“And give you a chance to switch round pieces? I’ll pass.”

“Your son could be seriously injured. Besides, why should you be nervous about this game? I’m pants at Wizard’s chess.”

“Even more reason for you to cheat, Prongslet. Ted will walk again. Remus will make sure of it.”

“What will I make sure of?” Remus asks peeking out of the kitchen. Before either can respond, he spots the child-shaped lump at the foot of the staircase and sighs.

“Family,” Teddy announces as Remus peels him from the ground and checks him for bruises. Teddy’s got his fake formal voice on. It’s usually reserved for when he wants to seem mysterious or feel older or has done something that will get his _Mage of Life_ comics taken away. “I am experiencing extreme melnan - mele - melancholy.”

Remus rolls his eyes and drops the metamorphmagus onto the couch before going back into the kitchen. Teddy buries his face into the cushions. Harry takes pity on him.

“You fall down the stairs every day, bud. It’s not even embarrassing anymore.”

Harry keeps his eyes on the board as he speaks. Afterall, if anyone’s going to cheat at Wizard’s chess, it’s Sirius Black. His godfather hums in agreement and promptly steals Harry’s last knight. Another sigh from the eleven-year-old goes ignored.

It’s only when Teddy rolls onto the floor like dead weight and jostles their table that Sirius and Harry look up from their game. At the same time. Of course. Teddy’s hair is an overly morose grey and he’s wearing one Sirius’ Queen t-shirts, most likely because it’s the single piece of black clothing he could find in their home. Sirius lets out an overly dramatic gasp and leaps up to clutch Teddy to his chest, spinning him around the room.

“My innocent son, gone too soon!” he cries. Harry laughs at the scene before him, even if it’s somewhat ruined by the so-called deceased son giggling into his father’s chest. “If only someone had listened to his cries for help!”

“If only someone hadn’t taught him to be so dramatic,” Remus quips as he saunters back into the room with two mugs of tea. He hands one to Harry before curling into the armchair by the bookshelf. 

Sirius and Teddy both let out identical gasps of indignation. For a brief moment, Harry can see the resemblance between father and son. Of course, Teddy is his godparents’ biological son, but when he’s not turquoise with rabbit ears, he mostly looks like Remus.

“I am not a baby, father. I’m almost a grown man.” Teddy huffs, trying to turn his glare on Remus.

“Gasp! He lives!” Sirius cries, showering Teddy with kisses and tickles. Somehow, Teddy breaks free of his dad’s grasp and crawls across the carpet to snuggle into Harry’s side.

“So much for not being a baby,” Sirius snorts, but his eyes are warm as he looks upon the two. Teddy lets out another huff and Harry pulls him closer, burying his nose in his godbrother’s curls for good measure. Teddy doesn’t pull away. He never does when it’s Harry.

“I need comfort right now, okay? That doesn’t make me any less of a man. You’re the one who’s always saying that masculinity is a hedgehog’s prison.”

Sirius bursts into laughter, followed closely by Remus and Harry. Teddy blushes and turns his head away from the group.

“ _Hegemonic_ ” Sirius corrects gently, after wiping fake tears from his eyes. He then turns to pout at his husband.

“Don’t _I_ get some tea?”

“Don’t _you_ have hands?”

“Harry has hands and he didn’t have to work for his tea.”

“Harry is my son. Did I raise you, Padfoot?”

“No, but I am more than willing to call you daddy if it will get me a cuppa.”

Harry groans, loud, pointed and heavy with disgust. He looks down at Teddy, who _thankfully_ seems to have missed the interaction entirely. Instead, his godbrother gnaws at his bottom lip, brown eyes a little too wet and unfocused. Harry knows more must be bugging him than embarrassment over his poor grammar.

“Hey, bud. What was with the ‘debbie downer’ act earlier? Are you feeling okay?” Harry whispers, letting Teddy decide if this will be a _brother talk_ or a _family talk_.

“I’m nervous about next week,” Teddy says, loud enough for his fathers to hear.

The two immediately stop flirting in the corner. They turn to their youngest, understandably shocked. Next week, Teddy would be heading to Hogwarts for his first year. It’s a daunting task for any eleven-year-old, but this was Teddy. He owned every room he walked into. He was already more of a Gryffindor than Harry could ever be.

“What’s making you nervous, love?” Remus asks. He scooches up in his armchair to make space for Sirius.

“Well I - I - I’ve never been away from dad for so long and I’ve heard Hogwarts has lots of ghosts about and what if I don’t do well in my classes and -” he chokes.

Harry squeezes his shoulders. “You don’t have anything to be afraid of, bud. Moony and I will be there the whole time _and_ you can always sneak into his office to floo-call Padfoot.”

“Really?” Teddy asks. He turns his wet and hopeful eyes from Harry to Sirius

“Of course, teddy bear. I’ll move my bed next to the fireplace, so I never miss a call,” Sirius assures him.

“You’re also a quick learner,” Remus adds. “You’ll learn a lot of interesting things in your classes and we’ll both be there to help you if you fall behind.”

“Definitely,” Harry nods. “Not to mention, most of the ghosts are pretty friendly. I even went to Nearly Headless Nick’s deathday party once. Trust me, the scariest thing in that castle is Snape’s hairdo and I’m confident that we can take him out if the situation becomes dire.”

Sirius barks out a laugh, and Teddy joins in, already used to hearing Harry rag on his prickly, potions professor. Remus pinches his husband’s thigh and gets a kiss on his cheek in return.

Harry rolls his eyes. “You two make me sick sometimes, you know?” And sometimes he wanted what they had more than words could express.

“Ahhh don’t fret, Prongslet. I’m sure you’ll get your kiss from Cedric any day now.” Sirius winks at him. Harry’s furious at himself for blushing, but even more furious at himself for drinking so much butterbeer at his birthday party that he had confessed his crush to Sirius.

“We don’t mean to make you uncomfortable Harry.”

“No, Padfoot’s right. I’m just incredibly jealous.” he deadpans, glaring at his smirking godfather.

“Why would you be jealous?” Teddy asks, peering up at Harry.

“Well, I guess, because it would be nice to have someone to love.”

“But _I_ love you. Don’t you have me?” Teddy pouts, genuinely confused.

“Yeah Harry, don’t you love us?” Sirius mocks.

“It’s a different kind of love, bud. Romantic. Like your dads.”

“Why would you want that?” Teddy scrunches up his nose.

“Because I don’t want to end up bitter and alone like Snape.” Harry says, overly solemn. Teddy nods along sagely as if he understands.

“It seems I’ve taken over Lily’s post.” Remus takes a somehow passive aggressive gulp of his tea. “I’m the only thing stopping Black and Potter from having a go at Snape.”

“And I’m sure Evans appreciates it. I’m also sure that James is having a right laugh.”

“You’re kidding. Why would my mum defend Snape?”

Remus looks very much like he regrets bringing it up.

“Snape and Lily were…” – he shares a heavy look with Sirius – “close. They knew each other long before her and James could have a civil conversation, really.”

“Close? You mean like they dated?!” Harry can’t be bothered to mask his disgust. His mind is already miles away with scenes of his beautiful mother getting romantic with that greasy bat.

“No no no!” Remus hurries to reassure.

“Give Evans some credit,” Sirius mumbles.

“It’s just complicated because, well, they were friends for a long time and then they weren’t.”

“What happened?”

Like most conversations about his parents, Harry is eager and wary in equal measure. Teddy stirs in his embrace, sensing Harry’s distress, but remains quiet. Harry suddenly feels guilty that they had interrupted Teddy while he was expressing his concerns. He squeezes his godbrother’s shoulders to let him know he’s not been forgotten.

“They had a falling out. Things were said that you can’t really take back. Then we left school, the war started and …” Harry’s mind fills in the blanks: _and his parents got married, had a baby, and were murdered by Lord Voldemort four years later._ “Lily was always so forgiving, with all of us, really. She didn’t talk about Snape a lot after, but I got the impression that if she was given the chance… well… I don’t know.” Remus trails off and Sirius rubs his back, uncharacteristically quiet.

Harry’s trying to process this information, when something occurs to him. “What did you mean earlier when you said my parents never had a civil conversation? ” 

“They butt heads a lot at first. James could be ...” Remus hesitates.

“A prat.” Sirius offers, looking more relaxed now that he was talking about his beloved best mate. “Lily wasn’t the biggest fan of our pranks and then there was the Snape of it all, you know. Your mum and dad would get into a lot. They had ‘Ron and Hermione Christmas 1993’ level blowouts every week of our sixth year.”

Harry felt a bit like his world had been tipped on its axis. His godfathers didn’t seem to notice, knee dip in nostalgia.

“What changed?” he presses.

“They did, Harry.” Remus smiles, sad and fond. “People grow up and let go of childish grudges.”

Harry tries to picture the moment his parents fell in love with each other, when they went from hating each other to loving each other.

Was that even possible? Could two people, after years of knowing one another, take a step back and see each other in a completely new light? Harry hopes its true, if not for his parents’ sake, then his own.Images of a lithe, brunette Hufflepuff, come unbidden, if not wholly unwelcome, to his mind.

Harry had thought his feelings for Cedric would go away over the summer, and he would returned for his fifth year calm and collected around the handsome, prefect. If anything, his feelings had amplified. Harry couldn’t wait to see him again, even if Cedric would only ever see him as a little brother of sorts.

“Am I gonna change when I go to Hogwarts?” Teddy pipes up, suddenly. “Like Harry’s other parents?”

“Yes you are, love, and just like them, you’ll change for the best.”

“You think,” – Teddy bounces in Harry lap, eyes light – “do you think I’ll change so much that I’ll want to be friends with Theodore McLaggen?” 

Harry laughs and all tension floods out him. Remus pinches the bridge of his nose.

“I wouldn’t bet my money on it,” Sirius quips, earning him an elbow in the stomach from his husband.

“You never know, Ted. Anything is possible.”

“I don’t know. He’s so annoying and gives ‘Teddys’ everywhere a bad name. I just can’t picture it, dad.” 

“How about you try while you’re taking a bath, hmm?” Remus sighs. He rises from his seat, even as Sirius tugs on the sleeve of his cardigan to keep his husband by his side. Remus takes Harry’s empty mug and nudges Teddy towards the staircase to get ready for bed.

That night, Harry tries to fall asleep for what feels like hours. His mind is so full. He thinks of Teddy spending nights alone in his common room, Lily Evans glaring at James Potter across the Great Hall and the brush of Cedric’s shoulder against his own last spring. Eventually, he gives into the urge and gets up from bed to sit at his desk. He pulls out a quill and a piece of parchment, and he writes.

_Snape,_

_I doubt anything would be different if you had told me you knew my mother. I’m not completely delusional. After all, you’ve known this whole time that I’m her son and still treat me like the runoff from your cauldron. Are you still mad at her, or maybe yourself, for ending the friendship? Is that why you hate me so much? Or is it because of my father, like you always said? I don’t think I’ll ever not be upset by the things you’ve said about him. Even right now, your insults make my blood boil. But I do wish it could’ve been different. I don’t have many people to talk with about her, and it seems like you knew her before everything. My mom forgave my dad for his mistakes, loved him in spite of them. I’ve never been good at being the bigger person, but I’d like to think that if I was ever given the chance, I would be able to forgive you too._

_Sincerely,  
Harry Potter_

When Harry’s done, he folds up the letter and addresses it to the Hogwarts Potions Master.

Harry pulls his old glasses case from his drawer and sets it on the bed. Hermione had charmed the case to turn into a box that opens for Harry alone. For a moment, Harry sorts through all his letters.

They will never make it to OwlPost.

Harry writes letters when he’s feeling especially furious or grateful or so in love he can’t help himself. Cedric has a letter of course. It was written while Harry was ugly crying and stuffing his face with treacle tart, after the hufflepuff had shown up to the Yule Ball with his supposed ex-girlfriend Cho Chang. It’s not like Harry had asked him to the ball. He can’t fault Cedric for going back to Cho. Especially because Cho had a letter too. Sure, it accused her of using a love potions to compel Harry to throw his Quidditch matches, but he was thirteen.

Harry’s feelings were all consuming. He would rather get them out on paper than watch them blow up in real life. That’s why even Draco Malfoy had a love letter. That lapse in judgement was the combined product of a Ravenclaw party, his first time trying firewhiskey and the brief but deluded thought that there could be something between the boys other than snark and hexes.

Not all his crushes were so misguided. He had written a letter to his best friend’s little sister Ginny, after one of the many afternoons they’d spent flying in his second year. The following year, he found out that Ginny actually did like him. Sure, it never went anywhere, but they had more of a chance than he did with his best mate’s older brother.

Charlie Weasley’s letter was by far the longest. It detailed every little plan Harry imagined for their future together as a dragon-taming duo. Admittedly, not his best moment.

They weren’t all love letters, either.

Sirius had one from when Harry was eight years old. His godfather had contracted a curse from one of his patients and didn’t wake up for three days straight. Harry used to like visiting his godfather while he was on a shift at St. Mungos, but the boy hasn’t gone back since.

Remus’ letter was an angry, desperate rant. It was written in the midst of his godfather’s six-month campaign to convince werewolves to integrate with other wizards. Harry had been too young to understand this. All he knew was that Remus was gone. Harry had missed him so much and a part of him had never truly forgiven the man for leaving his family behind.

_I suppose these are just for a different kind of love,_ Harry thinks. 

At the very bottom of the box, there’s a letter for each of his parents, written three years apart. He’s never reread them.

_So where did that leave Snape’s?_ He wasn’t a crush or family, just the possibility of a chance at something he could not name. He tucks Snape’s letter somewhere between Charlie and Draco.

Harry’s about to close the box, when he hears his door creak. He looks over to see it hanging open, even though he’s almost positive he closed it before bed. A yawn breaks free from his chest then and he decides to shrug off the mystery. Harry just hopes it was the wind and not the stray tabby that Teddy kept letting in through their kitchen window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A legend like Kitty Covey must be represented by another legend, so you get Teddy as Harry's cheeky little brother :3. Each chapter will be titled after a recipient. The next is Cedric Diggory!


	2. Cedric Diggory

Sirius has been hugging Teddy for so long that people are beginning to stare.

Of course, people always stare at Harry. He’s the boy who survived the killing curse at four years old.

Today though, it’s the sobbing mess of limbs in the middle of the platform that’s getting the looks. Harry wishes that Teddy was the kind of kid who felt shame at parental affection, because they needed to be on the train five minutes ago.

He shares an exasperated look with Remus, who coughs pointedly.

“Okay, love. It’s time to say goodbye. Again.”

“But I don’t wanna!” father and son whine simultaneously. Neither let go.

“We all knew this day would come,” Remus placates, but it sounds more like a growl. He tries to wrench Teddy from Sirius’ grip. “Seriously, Padfoot. You haven’t even said goodbye to Harry.”

“I’m good,” Harry says quickly and steps back, just in case he is pulled into the spectacle.

“You don’t know how it feels, Rem. You and Harry get to be with him for the whole year. I’m not going to see my baby for months,” he hiccups.

“That doesn’t have to be true. You could always sneak into the castle as Padfoot,” Harry suggests. They both perk up considerably. Remus narrows his eyes. “Maybe Dumbledore will hire you as the school mascot,” he chuckles and turns away from the group to avoid Remus’ anger.

Harry does a quick scan of the platform. He’s trying to spot Hermione or Ron or any of the Weasleys really. He knows it’s fruitless. Most students have already boarded.

He does spot Malfoy among the stragglers. The blond is standing a few cabins down, with his mother and another little boy. Harry assumes this is his little brother, if looks are anything to go by. The boy’s wispy, white-blond hair and pointed chin are identical to his older brother. Unlike Malfoy, who was all haughty false confidence on his first day of Hogwarts, the boy is visibly nervous.

Malfoy catches Harry’s gaze. Harry shifts his eyes away, embarrassed at being caught, but not before seeing Neville approach the family. It’s still hard for him to believe that someone as sweet as Neville could be friends with a git like Malfoy, but to each his own.

“Oy, Lupin! Too scared to let go of daddy dearest?” a young, familiar voice mocks. Harry looks up to see the other Teddy, Theodore McLaggen, hanging out one of the train windows. He groans, knowing this would only add to their delay.

A few years ago, Teddy met Theodore McLaggen on his first day of at a small wizarding prep school. The two promptly decided to be enemies until their dying day.

Teddy whips his head towards the voice, eyes puffy and furious, but he does not let go of Sirius.

“Oh _sod off_ McLaggen, at least my dad _wants_ to hug me.” This earns him a few chuckles from the other students in the compartment. McLaggen fumbles for a response.

“Edward Lupin! You’re not allowed to use that foul language!” Remus scolds.

“Your dad's right, bud,” Sirius agrees, but his eyes alight with humor. “Next time you insult him, do it _without_ curse words.” Remus shoots his husband a deadly look. Sirius gives in, just a bit. “Seriously though Ted, you may not want to antagonize him so quickly. What if you have to share a dorm with him for the next seven years?”

Teddy looks into his father’s grey eyes in utter betrayal. “Why would you say something so horrid?” 

Sirius’ laugh is drowned out by the train’s final whistle.

Remus and Harry lift Teddy’s trunk onto the train. All signs of his godbrother’s distress dissipate as the boy boards the Hogwarts’ Express for the first time. The first year is bouncing on his feet as he looks excitedly about the train.

Remus quickly disappears to take care of ‘professorial duties’, _whatever that means_ , so Harry shuffles Teddy into the first empty compartment.

Harry is explaining the merits of Bertie Bott’s over Chocolate Frogs, even though he knows he’ll treat his brother to both, when a soft voice interrupts him.

“Excuse me? Can my brother and I share this compartment with you?” Harry’s shocked by how polite the boy is and even more so when he realizes that it’s Malfoy’s little brother.

“Of course!” Teddy says without hesitation, excited as always about making a new friend.

“Thank you.” The boy ducks his head. His voice is soft and shy. Harry wonders if he was adopted. “I’ll go tell Draco.”

As if summoned, Malfoy appears behind his brother. He’s gotten taller over the summer and cut his hair. Last year, Harry thought he was trying to grow it out. _What an embarrassing thing to notice._

Malfoy’s face turns sour when he sees Harry. His hands immediately clutch his brothers’ shoulders protectively. He opens his mouth to taunt the Gryffindor but closes it when his eyes land on Teddy. Oddly, his entire demeanor changes within seconds. Malfoy’s voice is almost sincere when he greets them.

“Hello, Potter.”

“Wotcher, Malfoy?” There’s an awkward silence as they both struggle to find something even remotely pleasant to say. It was as if the two boys had come to an unspoken agreement to be civil, role models for their younger brothers. “Congrats on making prefect.”

“Thank you” he nods, rubbing his badge absentmindedly. “Good summer?”

Harry nods tightly. He feels too off-footed by this conversation and turns Teddy for some kind of distraction, but the boy is looking at him expectantly.

“Teddy wants you both to sit with us.” Harry wants literally anything else.

Malfoy looks warily between the hopeful first-years. “I’m sorry, Scorpius. We’re going to share a compartment with some of my housemates, remember?” 

Scorpius’ expression makes clear that he had tried to forget. “But Draco, I don’t even like Pansy, or the twins.” 

“Crabbe and Goyle aren’t twins.” Malfoy corrects. There’s a smile tugging at his lips. He’s running his fingers through Scorpius’ hair. “And Blaise will be there. He’s looking forward to seeing you again.” Scorpius looks slightly appeased. Still, he turns back to Harry and Teddy, obviously conflicted. “Anyway. I’m sure Potter would appreciate some alone time with his … cousin?”

“Harry’s my brother,” Teddy pouts.

“My apologies, I’ll be sure to remember that in the future.” Draco smiles kindly at Teddy, before shuffling away Scorpius, who throws a soft ‘see you later’ over his shoulder.

“I think I’ve finally found kid cuter than you.”

“Don’t tease me, Harry. I’m fragile today.”

A short while later, Hermione and Ron enter the compartment, followed closely by Cedric. _Wait, what?_

Hermione ruffles Teddy’s hair, causing the metamorphmagus to blush uncontrollably. Harry hopes he doesn’t have the same problem when Cedric throws an arm around his shoulders and takes the seat next to him.

“What are you doing here?” _Oh no._ “I mean, not that I don’t want you here, but you -”

“I followed Ron and Hermione from the Prefect’s meeting,” Cedric saves him from his rambling. “I figured they had a better chance of finding you than I did.”

“Yeah, mate. By the way, we’re here too.” Ron snorts. Harry ignores him.

“You wanted to find me?”

“Of course.” 

Harry melts a little. Okay. A lot. Before he can respond, Teddy cuts in.

“Who is this?”

“This is a friend of mine, bud. He’s Hufflepuff’s seeker.” Harry is not sure why he feels the need to talk up Cedric to his eleven-year-old brother.

“ _You’re_ Cedric?” Teddy huffs, looking incredibly unimpressed and quite possibly outing Harry’s obsession with the Hufflepuff.

“And you must be, Teddy. Harry talks about you all the time.” Cedric’s smile is blinding. Teddy narrows his eyes. “You’re a metamorphmagus aren’t you? Harry says you have exceptional control over you gift.”

“Of course I do,” Teddy shrugs. Harry resists the urge to pinch him.

“That’s impressive” Cedric hums. “But…”

“But, what?” Teddy glares.

“But I bet you can’t make your ears look like a cat’s.” 

Teddy scoffs at the challenge before doing exactly that and gives himself whiskers just to show off.

“Oh wow, someone has a few tricks up their robe.” Cedric nudges Harry, conspiratorially. “Looks like you might have a Slytherin on your hands.” 

Instead of looking offended, Teddy giggles. The boy’s mistrust towards Cedric vanishes against the brunette’s unending charm. Harry is all too familiar with that feeling.

“Hey, don’t give him ideas. I’ve been planning our time together at Hogwarts since he was five. By the way, Ron, you’ll be moving in with the first years to make space for Ted in our dorm.”

“Ha ha. Actually, it might be worth it if the trade-off is having Teddy in our house,” Ron says thoughtfully, capturing the first year in a bear hug. “Someone has to repair Gryffindor’s reputation after all the stunts you’ve pulled.”

“Or help continue my legacy.”

“Of course not,” Hermione chimes in. “Teddy’s too good to go around breaking rules. And besides, he reads more than I do. He’ll be in Ravenclaw for sure.”

Teddy blushes at that and tucks his chin to chest. Hermione Granger. The only person capable of leaving Teddy Lupin speechless.

“I don’t know,” Cedric hums. “There’s something special about this one. I can spot a Hufflepuff miles away.”

And Cedric was right.

Later that night, Harry cheers as Teddy walks towards the Hufflepuff table. At the Head’s table, Remus’ eyes are wet and proud as he claps loudly for his son.

Interesting enough, Scorpius Malfoy comes right after Teddy and is sorted into Ravenclaw. The boy's grey eyes widen along with half the professors and many of the students. Scorpius gets a round of applause all the same as he makes he way across the Great Hall.

At this moment, Harry and Malfoy lock eyes across the room. The Slytherin rolls his grey eyes in annoyance, but he can’t keep the proud smile off his face. Harry laughs, loud and true.

_How strange_ , Harry thinks, _Malfoy and I understand each other perfectly right now._

Of course Harry hoped that he and Teddy would be together, warm and safe in Gryffindor Tower, but he knows Teddy will be okay without him. _After all,_ Harry thinks, as he watches Cedric throw an arm around his godbrother’s shoulders, _he’s in good company._

«»«»«»

Belatedly, Harry wishes that he had accepted Sirius’ offer to skiv off fifth year and go on a road trip around Australia.

Harry had been so excited to return to Hogwarts. He wanted to catch up with Ron and Hermione, explore the castle with Teddy and _maybe, probably, hopefully_ spend time with Cedric.

The reality of being back at school was one disappointment after the other. Not only was Hermione pestering them nonstop to prep for O.W. L’s, but whenever the golden trio found time together, the unresolved romantic tension between his best friends left him feeling like a loveless third wheel.

Teddy was little help in filling the void they left behind. His godbrother was swamped by all the readings and meetings and introductions that come with being a first year. Not to mention, whenever Harry saw the little Hufflepuff, he was surrounded by a gaggle of students from different houses hanging off his every word like he was Merlin come again. Harry was not about to taint his brother’s newfound popularity by monopolizing his time.

Even more tragic, the attention Cedric had given him on the train stopped the minute they step foot inside castle. Of course, Cedric had all the pressure of being a seventh year and Head Boy on his shoulders. However, Harry feels he could cope with the distance better if Cedric wasn’t constantly under Cho Chang or strutting around being bloody perfect at everything.

So, Harry is barely a month into his fifth year when his patience runs out.

It was bound to be a shit day, really. That morning, Harry was woken up from a _pleasant_ dream by the sound of Ron yelling at Neville. Apparently, the latter’s plant had vomited in the red head’s shoes.

So, he trudged to Great Hall for breakfast without waiting for any of his friends.

Even though it was a Hogsmeade weekend, most students were still in the castle, watching rain plough against the Great Hall ceiling. Harry wasn’t particularly miffed. It’s not like he had a date.

The warm coffee cake served with breakfast almost brightens his mood. However, a little after the post arrives, Harry gets the feeling that he is being watched. Honestly, after four years of going to school with the boy who lived, one would think people would grow tired of the spectacle.

He looks up cautiously from Sirius’s letter – his godfather was redecorating their lounge, again, and absolutely needed Harry’s opinion on a dragon-hide vs. snake-skin couch – to find Cho Chang eyeing him down from the Ravenclaw table. She isn’t quite glaring at him, but there isn’t anything pleasant in her eyes.

Harry tries not to panic. _Does she know about my crush on Cedric? It doesn’t matter. She doesn’t have proof and it’ not like I’ve tried something with her boyfriend. Just stay calm and focus on something else._

He looks for Remus at the Head’s Table. Maybe the DADA professor could convince Padfoot to channel his loneliness into a less expensive hobby. Except, his other godfather was currently rushing out of the Great Hall, shoulders stiff and ignoring Harry’s calls for him. Harry frowns.

When he returns his attention to the Gryffindor Table, he finds Ginny looking at him in confusion. Harry figures she must have witnessed Remus’ odd behavior.

“Weird vibe in here today, right Gin?” She blushes at this even though Harry hadn’t said anything remotely embarrassing.

“Umm, yeah. It’s definitely been a weird morning.”

“Right. So, do you think you’ll head to Hogsmeade later, if the rain clears up?”

“No!” she says, firmly. “I mean yes. I mean, I’m going with Luna. We’re going. Together.”

“ _Okay_.”

Ron and Hermione join him at the table then. The two are pink cheeked and oddly disheveled. Harry knows he should be pleased for them, but he’s so done with everyone’s shit by this point that he brushes past them and out of the Great Hall.

Harry is wandering the corridors, feeling aimless and bit guilty, when he runs into Neville. The boy is holding more plants than he has hands.

“Are you smuggling in contraband herbs now, Neville? If so, I could think of few that would be big sellers.”

“Ha. Ha. No.” A few of the pots begin to slip, so Harry takes one to help. “I just wanted to get these out of our dorm to prevent any repeats of this morning.”

“Yeah. Ron can be, well, you know.”

“No, it’s totally my fault,” Neville sighs. With his balance regained, he takes the pot back from Harry. “Besides, now I have an excuse to head to the greenhouses and get some seeding done.”

“You’re going to trek to the sheds? In this weather?”

“Why not? I’m not a master at charms, but I can manage an _Impervius_ just fine, thanks.” Harry raises his palms as if to say ‘my bad’. Neville grins. “Also, it feels great to work against the rain. The sound is so calming, don’t you think?”

“I guess.” Harry shrugs. Neville laughs at his lack of enthusiasm.

“Draco was just as cynical when I asked him to help me out down there the first time. Now he joins me whenever he gets the chance. Of course, he’ll never admit it.”

“You’re kidding?” Harry chuckles and puts a finger to his lip. “I think I would actually pay to see Malfoy willingly kneel in dirt.”

“He’s not as much of a snob as you think,” Neville defends, but he looks amused at the thought as well.

“Yeah, ok,” Harry placates, remembering the time Draco put a handkerchief over their potion’s bench before taking a seat.

“I’m serious, Harry. Maybe you should come with us one day. We could always use help distracting the _Venomous Tentacula_.”

“Hmm, risking my life to see Malfoy in an apron? It’s a tough call, Neville. I’ll have to think on it.” Harry would do no such thing.

As he watches Neville cross the grounds, a desire to breathe outside the castle walls grows within him. Harry gets a brilliant idea and his spirits instantly began to rise. _Why not?_ he thinks. _The rain will clear eventually and I’m no stranger to the Impervious charm myself_.

Harry all but sprints to Gryffindor tower. He needs his broom.

«»«»«»

For Harry, life comes into focus when he is in the air. Up here, all his problems are small enough to manage. He feels so free that he wonders why he doesn’t do this more often. In fact, now would be a perfect time to get in some Quidditch practice before the season begins.

Harry is cursing himself for forgetting to bring his snitch when he spots a head of blond hair in the stands. He flies down and demounts his broom. All the while, Malfoy watches him, looking smug as ever.

“Potter,” Malfoy drawls, all faux politeness from the train gone.

“What are you doing here Malfoy? And why in Merlin are you smiling like that?”

“Maybe I’m just enjoying the view,” Malfoy winks.

“Seriously, Malfoy. Don’t tell me Neville sent you to recruit me already.” He honestly doesn’t think so, but there are very few reasons why Draco Malfoy would seek him out alone. Malfoy usually likes an audience for their arguments. Harry feels a good amount of pleasure when the Slytherin is visibly thrown off by the question.

“Recruit you?”

“He wants to prove to me how _delicate_ you are with his plants.”

“What – he – ughh - I’m going to kill Longbottom.” Malfoy is only flustered for a moment before narrowing his eyes at Harry. “You know what Potter? I think it’s _you_ who is desperate to know what I get up to in the greenhouses.” Malfoy smirks, looking Harry up and down slowly. _Wait,_ w _hat?_

“Gross, no thanks. I hear enough about your _activities_ without asking.”

“Keeping up with the escapades of your very first kiss, are you?”

“How do - why - what does that have to do with anything?” Harry’s brain kind of short circuits. _Why would Malfoy bring this up now?_ “That was years ago. Why would I care who’s snogging your stupid, pointy face?”

“Stupid? Hmmm. You sure you don’t think it’s _handsome_ and that my _skin is soft and smooth like a girl’s.”_

A sharp, cold lump forms in Harry’s stomach. “What did you just say?”

“Oh, I’m sorry Potter. Was that not the correct wording? Hold on let me check again.” Malfoy pulls an all too familiar letter out his robe pocket. He hums casually as he scans it, as if Harry’s head isn’t about to the explode. “Yeah, I got it right… ‘like a girls’. I must admit Potter, the tone of this letter really makes me question if you would even notice something like that about a girl. Potter? _Potter!_ ”

Malfoy grips Harry’s bicep before he can fall over. The Slytherin helps him sit down on the bleachers, but Harry barely notices.

“For the love of Merlin, Potter. I don’t know why your wand is in such knot about this.” Draco huffs and crosses his arms, as if Harry’s near-fainting spell had somehow offended _him._ “A crush isn’t the end of the world.”

_No, no it’s not. But what if…_

“Where did you get that letter?”

“It came in with the morning post.”

“I’m not messing around Malfoy. How did you get that? Did you sneak into the tower looking for something to lord over me? Well congrats, you found it! But if those other letters get out, I swear to Merlin - ”

“I already told you, an owl dropped it off for me. I didn’t know there were _other_ letters.” He narrows his grey eyes. “To who?”

Harry looks at Malfoy. He really looks at him, through all the embarrassment and dread clouding his judgement, and … the Slytherin looks sincere. Shit.

Everything hits him at once then. He thinks of Cho’s glare, Remus’ pinched face and Ginny’s odd words at breakfast. Shit.

At that very moment, because this was the worst day of his life, Harry sees a figure with brown hair and a yellow scarf making their way across the pitch. Shit. 

Cedric is getting closer. Harry must think quickly… and he’s very not good at that.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Not concerned about my pointy chin catching you in the eye?” Malfoy huffs. He’s too caught up in his pride to consider how strange Harry’s request had been. _Unbelievable._

“Please don’t be a prat about this and please don’t ask why. I have very good reason that I don’t have time to tell you. I’ll pay you back. Anything you want. Just let me kiss you,” Harry begs.

Malfoy looks between Cedric’s approaching figure and Harry’s increasingly distressed face. He seems to take pity on the Gryffindor and nods.

Harry leans in slowly, prompting a snort from Malfoy. The Slytherin wraps an arm around Harry’s waist and pulls the Gryffindor towards him until Harry’s thighs are pressed against his own. His lips press against the blonde’s, soft at first, until Malfoy applies more pressure. Then, _oh Merlin_ , Malfoy’s tongue is in his mouth. _In front of Godric and everyone!_ Harry gets so caught up in their snogging, that he’s mildly surprised when a throat clears above them.

“What’s going on here?”

The boys break apart and look up at Cedric. Draco raises an eyebrow at Harry, obviously expecting him to take the lead. Harry’s brain is too full of his impending doom and Malfoy’s red, red mouth.

“We’re just keeping each other warm, Diggory. The weather’s horrid, you might have noticed through your fringe. Not breaking any rules now are we, Head Boy?”

“Several, actually.” Cedric’s eyes dart warily between the two. “It doesn’t matter. It is the weekend. But I would like to talk to Harry. _Alone._ ”

Draco shrugs and gets up. Harry wants to ask him to stay, but he’s already asked so much of him and hasn’t figured out how to form words just yet. The blond leaves but not before giving Harry another peck on his lips. And his cheek. And his forehead. “I’ll see you later, alright? And don’t be late again,” he smirks.

Harry nods like he knows what’s going on. He’s so focused on watching Malfoy walk away that he jumps when Cedric speaks. After months of being hyperaware of Cedric’s presence, one kiss makes him forget about the Hufflepuff’s existence. _Am I really that shallow?_

“So you and Malfoy are… _a thing_?” Cedric presses. Harry hums noncommittally. “That’s really unexpected. For a lot of reasons. But especially because… well…I got your letter Harry.”

Cedric’s voice is so gentle. Harry knows he’s about to be let down easily and promptly decides to play dumb.

“What letter?”

“The one you sent this morning? About me, _us_ , The Yule Ball?” When Harry continues to give him a blank stare, the brunette blushes and digs the letter out of his rucksack. Harry doesn’t need to read the letter to know what it says, but he looks long enough to keep his ruse believable.

_Cedric,_

_I wanted to kiss you in the prefect’s bathroom. If I had, things would be different, right? Probably? Hopefully. We could have gone to the Yule ball together and danced all night, like Hermione and Krum. You looked so handsome. I should’ve told you how I felt. Some Gryffindor. It’s just, I couldn’t be sure how you would react to a kiss or confession or anything. Sometimes, I think you’re flirting with me. Then I remember you’re this sweet with everyone. That’s part of why I like you so much. Every moment I spend with you makes me want more. I know it’s selfish, but I wish all your time could belong to me. There are days when I look into your eyes and see all the desire I feel for you reflected back at me. Of course, in the next moment, I feel like a toddler trying out their first broom. I’m not a child anymore, Cedric. I want to prove to you that I can be the charming and mature boyfriend that you deserve._

_Harry_

“Oh Merlin, I forgot about this.”

“You…forgot?”

“Yes! Cedric, I’m so sorry! This is so embarrassing.” Harry forces out a laugh. “I swear to Merlin, I meant to bin this.”

“You meant to throw it out?” Cedric’s voice sounds very small. Harry assumes it’s because every vessel in his brain is pounding.

“Of course! Ron must’ve found it and thought it would be a laugh to owl it you.” Harry nudges him with his elbow for added effect. They both flinch. Harry ploughs on, “Listen Cedric, I wrote this when I drunk off my ass from the twins’ yule tide tequila shots. I know we’re just mates. That’s how I want it to be. I mean, you’re with someone. I’m, er, with someone.”

“Oh. Mates. Of course.” Cedric clears his throat. Harry finally allows himself to breathe. _He believes me._ _I’m in the clear. Cedric will laugh it off and we’ll be friends and_ \- “No. Wait. Harry, I don’t understand.” _Shit._ Harry’s heart picks up again. “This doesn’t read like some drunken rant. You made your feelings quite -”

“Cedric,” Harry’s voice is firm. He’s trying very hard not to cry. “It doesn’t mean anything.”

Cedric turns his whole body away from Harry then. The two are completely silent. It has never been like this with them before. Even when Harry was half in love with the Hufflepuff’s girlfriend, he could always get on with Cedric.

“Alright,” Cedric sighs deeply. “It meant nothing. Just a laugh for Ron. See you later.”

Cedric leaves the Quidditch pitch without looking back. That’s all well and good, because Harry hates crying in front of other people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh dear. Leave a comment!


End file.
